Connected While Separated

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Community, Friendship, Social Distance, social distancing3 Comments

For as long as humans have explored the earth, they have had to be separated from loved ones.  Things have changed A LOT though.  Initially communication could often be maintained through mail.  A conversation could take days, weeks or even months before a response came to one’s questions and comments.  Then the telegraph, followed by the telephone, email, pagers and instant messages, text messages, and now we video chat or have even a group gathering any time we want with people all over the world..and sometimes even outer space.  Modern technology has been a game changer. 

letters and an eyeglass on table
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Yet even with these incredible advances that help us connect, countless people struggle with the constraints of social distancing.  Not to say I’m great at it, but living states away from most of my family and friends and even an ocean away from one sibling, I have a fair amount of practice staying close to people I can’t gather with (in person) frequently.  So if you’re looking for some ideas, here are a few ways to connect.

 

Book Club

Over a decade ago, two of my siblings started a Halloween book club.  Each year they read a creepy story, like Pet Cemetery or Dracula.  The selections always felt a bit too dark for me to get onboard until my brother became a parent and a middle grade novel (Neil Gaimon’s Coraline) was picked.  That was the first year I joined.  On Halloween we got together to enjoy one another (costumes optional) and talk about the book: what we liked, didn’t, what resonated, which characters felt relatable, fantastic or horrific.  After a few years of all four siblings, occasionally spouses and even our mom joining in, we realized we had so much fun talking about books together that we just kept carrying on year round.  This year we’re taking turns reading each person’s favorite book from the past decade.  It’s a smorgasbord of tastes, fiction and non-fiction, some very academic in nature and some incredibly humorous and mostly aimed at entertainment.  Each person brings very different insight and perspective, and we chat every 2-4 weeks on a video call to discuss a section of each book.  It’s a fun way to connect with people you enjoy, consider new ideas, learn and have a purpose to congregate (digitally or in a safe way in person).

cute rabbit with eyeglasses
Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

Question Game

My husband’s family is predominantly based on the east coast, with a couple of stragglers (like us) out of state.  Fairly frequent phone calls were part of our pre-pandemic regiment, but as those who live closer were isolated, our family matriarch called a whole-family zoom call.  Since then we’ve had a standing Sunday morning family gathering.  It lasts just 30-40 minutes, but everybody shows up and connects for a little while.  To add a little fun and structure, one person brings a question for everyone to answer at each call. 

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They have varied from “What is your dream vacation?” to “Would you rather be twice your width or half your height?”.  The most unexpected question came this last week: “What has been the best thing for you that has come from this pandemic?”  Taking turns and discussing thought provoking ideas can be a great way to bring people together and encourage connection.

Family Dinners

Was your family so busy pre-pandemic that you rarely sat down all together for family dinners?  Studies show a lot of benefits to making time for this, including less depression for teens, larger vocabularies for young children and higher academic performance for kids (even more helpful than homework or sports).  We are pretty big fans of the family dinner, but to add a new layer, we have started having family dinners with one other family online.  We are starting with our siblings’ families.  Once each week or two, both families sit down at the table together with a meal…and a computer at the other end.  We eat and chat simultaneously.  One family at a time rather than the whole group or just one person offers a nice flow of communication and intimacy that the whole family can distract from (though we really enjoy both).  We take the same approach on family vacations too and tend to enjoy a little breakfast here, lunch or outing there with just one sibling’s family or even a parent so we get large and small gatherings.  I’ve found something about sharing a meal can provide comfort and open doors of communication as well.

family having dinner together
Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels.com

 

Weekly Friend Date

I feel very fortunate to have a treasure trove of friends.  There are more than I can catch up with every week or even every month.  With lockdown keeping me away from lots of outings and in-person get togethers, I find some time opens up and I really enjoy reaching out to friends who I rarely get to see.  Nearly once a week I reach out to a friend who is either far away or someone I don’t bump into often.  We either text (especially moms with young kids) or find an hour or so to catch up.  I know it is all too easy to let once close friends become holiday card friends or only Facebook friends.  Maybe now is a good time to go through your contact list and see who you want to set up a time to catch up with…or if not, what purpose do they still serve being in your phone?

With modern technology, we may not physically touch many people as much, but can stay in touch better.  Carve out space, take a little break from Netflix, news or whatever you use for “filler” and make time and effort to connect with those who you care about.

A Moment to Explore

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Community, Environment, Garden, Hiking, Meditation, Mindfulness, nature, Noticing, Perspective, QuietLeave a comment

EXPLORE

The world feels entirely off kilter for so many.  As jobs, schools, gathering places and now even laws and the ways they are enforced are in limbo, the natural world goes on as usual. Animals forage. Flowers blossom.  The sun keeps rising and setting. And really, as people we go on too.  Our moods and plans shift, but we still need to breath, eat, sleep, connect. We need something to do all day.

So here are some ways to escape or dive in, depending on your perspective.  A few explorations are human-centric, the majority focus on plants, weather and animals. This is an invitation to get outside, to get curious and NOTICE what’s around you.  These are mindful meditations in action.  Feel free to try one, or spend a whole month trying something new each day.   Anxiety, politics, work and bills will always be there.  No doubt they need attention.  But just for now, take a moment to leave them behind, get curious, and explore.

Take a New Turn

Go for a walk, jog, hike or bike ride.  Take just one new turn. Where does it lead?  Do you see any flowers, trees, people or homes you’ve never noticed?  Do you see things you always notice?  Why do you pay attention to them?  Why not the new weed growing beside your left foot? Or under your right one.  Is it clean or speckled with mud? Is it blooming, aromatic, or looking really parched? Can you relate today?  Do you feel calm or stressed and out of your comfort zone taking a new turn?  How far will you travel the new path?

Greet People

Try smiling at people as you pass. Wearing a mask?  Try waving.  Want to be really brave?  Verbally greet people (strangers and friends).  Then notice how you feel.  How fast is your heart beating?  Do you feel like smiling more?  Is it easy, tough, maybe awkward finding something to say to people?  Do you feel like doing it more or shying away from it?  How did you see others’ respond to your greeting?

Rain Walk

Take a walk or go outside in the rain: feel free to wear rain gear or get wet.  How does the earth look different than when it is dry?  Do you notice a difference in the sounds, smells or movement of plants and animals?  Who is outside and what are they doing?  How fast are they moving?  How fast are you moving?  What happens if you just stand still for 2 minutes?  

Garden Glance

Do you have a garden or see a garden?  Are there weeds in it?  How many plants?  What kinds?  Do they look messy, neat, pretty?  Are they large, medium sized, small, or as my daughter likes to say: “teeny tiny”?  What shapes are their leaves?  How about petals?  How many shades of green do you notice?  What other colors do you find?  Are you curious how any of the plants taste?  Maybe try a leaf, stem, or blossom (do check into whether they are poisonous first here’s a helpful start).

What else is there to explore outside today?

The House Is On Fire

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn be the change you want to see, Breaking Old Habits, Challenges, Change, Community, Equality, Finding Your Calling(s), Growth, Guilt, Make a Difference, Parenting, Personal Growth, Perspective, PoliticsLeave a comment

More than 400 years ago, people of color started being treated horrifically in the Americas by white men who gave no value to the lives of the indigenous people they devastated.  Here we are in the 21st century and we see the same behavior continues.  White men participating in and watching with no emotional regard to the fading life of a son-brother-father.  

How has this continued for so long?  How can a person look at another and not care what happens to that human being, as if that person is any different from their own mother, brother, best friend or child?  How have religious justifications carried on for millennia, proclaiming one group of people superior to another?  Religion at its heart proclaims love and kindness for all.  Does anyone truly believe Donald Trump was full of love and kindness for all his nation’s citizens as he had them pepper sprayed, then stepped in front of a church for a photo op with a Bible?

Photo by Adonyi Gábor on Pexels.com

The house is on fire with rage, bullets and blood,

with petty crimes harshly punished,

with innocent men locked up or killed.

The house is on fire with innocent children in wretched schools,

with angry boys toting guns to protect themselves because their fathers can’t from prison,

with mothers who work so hard only to be able to barely feed and shelter their families.

The house is on fire with politicians and preachers proclaiming what is right

with mansions cleaned by people who work harder and listen better

with laws and beliefs touted that grow and spread oppression.

 

The house is on fire with courage long overdue to take its stand, 

with voices too long silenced,

with hearts too long aching.

THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE AND IT WILL BURN UNTIL THINGS CHANGE

I am an ordinary human, a citizen, a woman, mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend.  I didn’t really know where to begin to make changes.  Then I read a post on Medium written by someone who has long been deeply involved in making changes for decades.  Research has been done and there are lots of ways to improve things.  You can read findings and a well researched report about it here.  

What Am I doing to bring change?

My first career centered around positive communication and instilling in others a sense of self-worth.  In my current role, I have open conversations with my daughter about the fact that people have been hurt, even lost their lives.  Lots of people are angry.  Not everyone has been treated kindly, just because they look different.  Isn’t that sad.  We wrote a letter to the Floyd family.  She expressed wishing she could give Mr. Floyd a hug…and I wept.  I wept out of sorrow she can’t hug a man she knows was hurt/  I wept with hope for the world she will help shape.  With such sentiments, our world will find more love, less hatred. 

 Admittedly, I have felt very angry recently.  I have felt incredibly sad.  I have felt helpless at moments, and empowered at others.  I am shaping my approach.  I value and utilize my freedom to vote.  I continue to appreciate the freedom of press in our country and read and support and believe journalists. I read a variety of press to try to get a well-rounded picture.  I write my politicians and sign petitions.  I write stories to spread joy, peace and love.  I teach my children to see and treat everyone kindly and respect people’s differences.  I take deep breaths…a lot.  I read and listen to learn what I don’t yet know.  There is SO much.  I guess I already work for this cause, but there is clearly much more to be done.

I still need to reach out to my local leaders: starting with my mayor and Police Chief to learn what they are doing to be a part of solving this long engrained tragedy of racism. I need to hold them accountable for what they do or don’t do. I need to give them a chance to be transparent, thanked for what they are doing well, and honest about where there is room for growth.

We each have our own part to do.  One person can only do so much, and yet one person can do a lot. 

You don’t have to fix the whole world today. 

But do ask yourself, what am I doing?  Let’s all start with a deep breath.  

OBSERVE: A Few Ways to Experience Nature

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Has the weather started to feel glorious yet where you live?  The season of growth, green plants, chipper fauna and warm air has finally settled in southeast Michigan.  Our dog often races outside in the morning to playfully chase a rabbit into the woods.  My daughters don sun hats on walks (as long as I can convince them to keep the hats on) and we seek early morning rather than late afternoon walks to enjoy comfortable outdoor temps.

Last week I hinted at the themes for the posts I’ll be sharing this week and the two to come.  I want to help you enjoy the outdoors, nature, and even (dare I say it?) social distancing more.  Call it mindfulness, meditation, relaxation exercises or scientific observation.  It will lower your blood pressure, hopefully help you feel a little better about this moment and notice something new about your life and environment in this moment.  To unlock some of the wonder, we’ll start with the most basic approach: observe.  

Look Around

On a hike, as you sit on a park bench, or look out a window. Learn the names of birds, bugs and/or plants (feeling lost, you’ll be amazed what google finds you with simple keys of your region, the color and shape of whatever you’re looking at). Keep a record of what you see, how many, how frequently, what time of day and where you see them.  You might find you really like to watch the sun reflect off a nearby river at a certain time of day, or that mist is worth getting up a little earlier to see float over your town in the morning.  Just a take a look around.

Close your Eyes and Listen 

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What do you hear? Are the sounds close or distant? How do the sounds feel in your body and especially your nervous system (e.g. soothing, jarring, familiar, unrecognizable)?  Are there few or many sounds? Are they of a mechanical, human, animal, or weather-related nature?  

Use your Nose

Smell the air outside. Bend down and smell some flowers. Do you like their aroma? Are the scents familiar? Try smelling different trees: leaves and trunk. Do you notice their differences? Smell the air when it’s dry outside, smell it shortly before a rainstorm and smell the air after a rainstorm.  What smells different after rain?

This is far from comprehensive, but a start to what I do with my girls outside.  Spoiler Alert: we never get bored.  We do have a lot of fun.  We’re learning a lot too. A couple of weeks ago we met our first rose breasted grosbeak.  I didn’t remember its name the next time we encountered one, but my 2 ½  year old quickly set me straight.  Maybe you’ll learn something from an unexpected source next time you are observing too.

SPENDING TIME OUTSIDE

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn corona virus, COVID-19, Environment, nature, Parenting2 Comments

Are you feeling weighed down lately, bored, or even a bit stir crazy (or actually crazy)? Is quarantine still happening where you live and maybe your kids are home with you?  My husband and I both work from home and have two little ones ever-present, so I feel you.  Here’s the thing: we’ve both been working from home for close to three years now, so we’ve had some time to work on and work out the kinks.  A HUGE element of keeping our sanity: 

SPEND TIME OUTSIDE.

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There is tons of research that backs up the benefits of getting outside.  The bottom line: outside time is beneficial. Getting out around more trees = even more calm for your mood and brain.  Getting outdoors and exercising has some additional benefits (especially for your heart, muscles and bones).  But just getting some fresh air improves cognitive performance: i.e. helps your sanity and job performance.  It is also something to do that is not screen time.

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I read and hear about a lot of parents concerned about or even feeling guilty their kids are getting tons of screen time…what else are they going to do?  Let’s just pretend it’s 1820 or 1920 and we’re in quarantine… pre: Netflix and Youtube, Smartphones and Tablets, even PC’s and TV’s.  What did kids do back then? There was plenty more time spent exploring one’s imagination and the incredible planet we live on. 

While reading Richard Powers’  The Overstory this spring, I found the characters Adam Appich and Patricia Westerford particularly intriguing.  They were full of questions and deeply observant of the natural world.  They studied trees and insects with more depth as children than I have, now well into adulthood.  I found them inspiring.  There’s no time like the present to get better acquainted with nature, so with my toddler and infant in tow, outside we go to observe, explore and create.  Over the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing ideas for getting better acquainted with the outdoors.  Maybe you’ll try some or even brainstorm more ideas.  Please feel free to drop any further suggestions in the comment section.

Photo by Andre Furtado on Pexels.com

Happy Getting Outside!

Show Up for Someone Today

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn be the change you want to see, Community, Friendship, Make a Difference, Mindfulness, Parenting, Refugees, Service2 Comments

I’ve noticed a pattern among people.  We fail to perform at our peak when we are tired or hungry.  Tired and hungry…talk about a total disaster waiting to happen. But when someone is less than rocking it at life, there’s an amazingly simple way to help.  

Just be there for someone.

My 2 ½ year old is perfectly capable of dressing and undressing herself. But whenever she is in what we call a “Maslow” state -missing one or more of her basic needs to function like her normal, happy self- (e.g. hungry or tired), clothes seem to stick to her body relentlessly and a tear-filled meltdown is nearly inevitable.

One night, “Maslow” had set in and the pajamas just weren’t going on. My daughter cried out in desperation, “I NEED HELP!”  I bent down, simply touched the fabric and told her, “You can do it.  I’m here, it’s okay.  Keep going.”  Sure enough, she solved her own problem in under 5 seconds.  I literally did nothing to help her with her pj’s, but having the sense of support, she felt comforted, calmed and empowered enough to resolve her own challenge.

anchor couple fingers friends
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How often do people underperform simply because they feel unsupported?  Our world is filled with so many individuals, groups and societies who, not at all to say they are unproductive, but who struggle and can’t reach their potential because they lack the basic needs to be able to focus and perform at their highest ability. Food scarcity, hunger, exhaustion, lack of safety, financial hardship, loneliness, and the lack of stable housing are all very real challenges hundreds of millions of people face all over the world. They are refugees crossing the globe to seek shelter and neighbors on your own street looking for a friend.  

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Photo by VisionPic .net on Pexels.com

We all need support from time to time. Some of it is physical or monetary and often it is just letting someone know you are showing up for them. Sometimes it’s as simple as a chalk message on the sidewalk or a phone call.  

Who can you show up for today?

 

 But the Bear Came Back, A Picture Book Review

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Book Review, Children's Literature, COVID-19, Friendship, Growth, Kid's Lit, Parenting, Picture BookLeave a comment

Always wonderful, but especially perfect for this time in which many of us are missing the people usually around us, Tammy Sauer and Dan Taylor’s humorous and tender But the Bear Came Back touches home.  In Tammy Sauer’s laconic and lovely text, a boy grows increasingly perturbed by visits from an unwanted guest: Bear.  As Bear persistently returns, the boy’s frustration rises, as does the humor in this charming tale.  That is, until one day when Bear doesn’t come.  As the days pass (this book also packs in a lovely little lesson for kids on the days of the week), the boy comes to realize how much he misses his friend. butthbearcameback

Tammy Sauer’s powerful text empowers its reader to go after what you want.  It reminds you to be a little more kind and patient with those who bother you.  Dan Taylor’s colorful illustrations play up the humor that can lie in frustrating situations, while sensitively illuminating the broad spectrum of emotions this book touches on.

To enjoy a masterfully crafted book that may incite laughter, tears, and thoughtful conversation, make sure you read But the Bear Came Back.

Steady as an Oak

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Be Okay With Yourself, be the change you want to see, Challenges, COVID-19, Friendship, Gratitude, Grief, Growth, Make a Difference, Mindfulness, Patience, PerspectiveLeave a comment

The wind blows a lot right now.  Maybe it always does, but I’m noticing it more these days.  I think we all do as we stay home…or if we are some of the few who need to go out.  We feel it in different ways, but it is all around the world. Whirlwinds of economic upheaval push down the market so heavily that oil prices are getting a swirly.  Heavy gusts of unemployment abound. There are tornadoes of sickness and tragically death. And when this storm passes, we’ll have a world with trillions of dollars of debt from recovery efforts to try to dig out from.  

As these gusts pummel us right now, I watch a forest of oaks that tower behind my house handle the natural gusts on a daily basis.  They are strong, thick, tall creatures, many of whom have stood for decades. Each planted as individuals once, they now intermingle above and below earth, an incredibly interconnected community, much like our own human society.  Because of their strength, I’m always amazed they have the flexibility to wave in the wind, but they do –all the time.  

Trees’ ability to move with the breeze, to lean and move based on what comes, to occasionally shed leaves, fruit, or even branches from time to time, then grow up and out again, is what allows them to stand the tests of time.  We could learn a few lessons from them right now as we likely all have to make some adjustments. Maybe this year our bank accounts or investment portfolios (for those so fortunate to have either) won’t be as robust as last year.  Maybe this year we learn to be a little more grateful for food banks either through dependency on them or the chance to fill them more so we can ensure our neighbors can eat dinner too. 

Perhaps this year we learn to truly appreciate our sanitation workers and that they keep our homes and streets clean as they risk their health and safety.  Maybe it’s grocers, agriculture laborers picking our food, the drivers who deliver letters, gifts and produce all over the world.  20200410_091042

The wind never blows forever.  There will be times it lightens, times it even stops.  We already have and will continue to lose some magnificent humans, businesses, relationships and opportunities through this storm.  But it won’t ruin everything. Destruction forges a space for new growth. It lays a foundation of new strength.  

So sink your roots deep to connect with who and what truly sustains you.  Lift your hands to help and sustain others however you can. You are not alone in the current struggle.  Let this storm move what it will on the surface. When we make it through, we will recover and keep growing.

 

Those on the Front Lines

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Challenges, corona virus, COVID-19, doctors, Make a Difference, medical community, Mindfulness, nursesLeave a comment

For months the world has been watching the unfolding of what is perhaps the most unifying and isolating shared human experience in over a century.  There are plenty of mentions of needs in the medical community. Not a lot of in depth reporting on their experiences and concerns. The medical community is communicating inside their network though and their fear is very real and ingenuity astounding.

I have several close friends who work in hospitals.  My husband has been living in a hospital all week. The untold truth is: medical professionals are SCARED.  And rightfully so. I spoke with a doctor this week who couldn’t get the proper (N95) mask to wear in a surgery she participated in- there weren’t any.  When scared people flooded the market and bought up all the masks, they left medical professionals, who are risking and some even giving their lives to help those suffering, without this much needed protection.  Now there are doctors preparing to make their own protective gear, including face masks out of vacuum filters.

woman in orange crew neck shirt wearing white face mask
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Thank You 

To all the front line workers- you are making a difference.  Many more people were diagnosed this week than last week with COVID-19.  This information gives the world a more honest picture of what is happening and a better idea of who needs to be completely quarantined.  Thank you to those creating, dispersing, and working on the front lines to handle the tests.

Doctors, nurses, first responders, phlebotomists, techs, janitors, managers, laundry attendants, receptionists, food deliverers, pharmacists, and everyone else who works in hospitals and many other medical care professionals are out on the front lines 24/7 putting themselves and their families at risk.  They are saving lives! Thanks to all of them, more people recovered from COVID-19 today than died from it.  

Hospitals are doing what they can.

The challenges are momentous.  At the hospital where my husband is being cared for (for a vital, but non-covid-19 related procedure), he learned that  elective surgeries have been cancelled or postponed. He said it feels eerie with so many open rooms and few patients on the floor.  This is the calm before the storm. Lots of people are ramping up to work harder than they ever have. They are doing the best they can, but limitations make the situation far from normal.

You may not like being at home.  

A lot of people feel isolated, worried, perhaps even bored.  Do you ever think: I feel fine, and besides, I’m not going to visit my grandparents, or anyone over 70, so going into restaurants, bars or stores right now isn’t a big deal?  Do you worry about keeping small businesses afloat?  Your simple actions- of going out or staying in- do impact countless people in the long run.  Please do the whole world a favor and if your work outside home (for others) is not essential, JUST STAY HOME.

What CAN you do?

If you’re anxious, start by turning off the screens and taking some deep, slow breaths.  You can even take free yoga classes online for a month here. Buy a gift card -essentially an interest free loan- to those small businesses, get your food delivered (please don’t even meet the delivery person at the door right now), and meet up with your friends online or on the phone. 

 What if You Don’t Stay Home?

More people WILL get sick.  If you don’t stay home, more people WILL die.  A Washington Post article explains this in more depth with helpful diagrams here.. Even if you don’t feel sick, you could carry the virus.  Then more medical workers face more dangers. And as my brother shared with me this week: there will be more situations, he and many like him will face of having to make the terrible decisions already facing those in Italy of who gets a ventilator and who doesn’t.  They will have to watch people die, not because they don’t know how to treat them, but because resources are limited.  

Today YOU Can Make a Choice That WILL Save Someone’s Life.

So please, do the whole world a favor for the next several weeks.  Stay home. And know that by doing “nothing” you are doing something to make the world a little better in this strange and trying time.

 

A Moment for Appreciation

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Gratitude, Mindfulness, Parenting, Perspective1 Comment

Do you ever have moments when you pause to just revel in how wonderful something is?  Perhaps a supremely meaningful compliment from someone at work, the smile on your child’s face when she looks at you, or the refreshing shower you take after exercising?

This weekend I spent a fair amount of time savoring a particular element of my life I appreciate.  While life with chronic illness  is an ongoing challenge -for about 40% of the population- we’ve had a particularly rough span in our family the past 7 months.  Basically my husband just feels lousy all the time, sometimes more than others. 20191129_122509

In spite of it, he continues to be playful, loving and always kind.  He makes a concerted effort to support our daughters’ rapid development and budding interests.  Every night he popcorns a slew of jokes to keep me laughing until I tell him we have to stop laughing and get some sleep.  He pushes through the clouds that darken his view of life and keeps poking holes for those around him to see the sunshine, even when he struggles to see it himself.

I am in awe of his warmth in a very cold season and tremendously grateful for it.

These days I don’t carve out a lot of time for journaling what I’m grateful for.  However, in place of a formal blessing at our table, we hold hands every night to share what each of us feels grateful for.  Perhaps tonight I’ll tell my husband how grateful I am for him.

What are you grateful for today?  If it is someone, have you let them know?