Category: Parenting

The House Is On Fire

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn be the change you want to see, Breaking Old Habits, Challenges, Change, Community, Equality, Finding Your Calling(s), Growth, Guilt, Make a Difference, Parenting, Personal Growth, Perspective, PoliticsLeave a comment

More than 400 years ago, people of color started being treated horrifically in the Americas by white men who gave no value to the lives of the indigenous people they devastated.  Here we are in the 21st century and we see the same behavior continues.  White men participating in and watching with no emotional regard to the fading life of a son-brother-father.  

How has this continued for so long?  How can a person look at another and not care what happens to that human being, as if that person is any different from their own mother, brother, best friend or child?  How have religious justifications carried on for millennia, proclaiming one group of people superior to another?  Religion at its heart proclaims love and kindness for all.  Does anyone truly believe Donald Trump was full of love and kindness for all his nation’s citizens as he had them pepper sprayed, then stepped in front of a church for a photo op with a Bible?

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The house is on fire with rage, bullets and blood,

with petty crimes harshly punished,

with innocent men locked up or killed.

The house is on fire with innocent children in wretched schools,

with angry boys toting guns to protect themselves because their fathers can’t from prison,

with mothers who work so hard only to be able to barely feed and shelter their families.

The house is on fire with politicians and preachers proclaiming what is right

with mansions cleaned by people who work harder and listen better

with laws and beliefs touted that grow and spread oppression.

 

The house is on fire with courage long overdue to take its stand, 

with voices too long silenced,

with hearts too long aching.

THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE AND IT WILL BURN UNTIL THINGS CHANGE

I am an ordinary human, a citizen, a woman, mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend.  I didn’t really know where to begin to make changes.  Then I read a post on Medium written by someone who has long been deeply involved in making changes for decades.  Research has been done and there are lots of ways to improve things.  You can read findings and a well researched report about it here.  

What Am I doing to bring change?

My first career centered around positive communication and instilling in others a sense of self-worth.  In my current role, I have open conversations with my daughter about the fact that people have been hurt, even lost their lives.  Lots of people are angry.  Not everyone has been treated kindly, just because they look different.  Isn’t that sad.  We wrote a letter to the Floyd family.  She expressed wishing she could give Mr. Floyd a hug…and I wept.  I wept out of sorrow she can’t hug a man she knows was hurt/  I wept with hope for the world she will help shape.  With such sentiments, our world will find more love, less hatred. 

 Admittedly, I have felt very angry recently.  I have felt incredibly sad.  I have felt helpless at moments, and empowered at others.  I am shaping my approach.  I value and utilize my freedom to vote.  I continue to appreciate the freedom of press in our country and read and support and believe journalists. I read a variety of press to try to get a well-rounded picture.  I write my politicians and sign petitions.  I write stories to spread joy, peace and love.  I teach my children to see and treat everyone kindly and respect people’s differences.  I take deep breaths…a lot.  I read and listen to learn what I don’t yet know.  There is SO much.  I guess I already work for this cause, but there is clearly much more to be done.

I still need to reach out to my local leaders: starting with my mayor and Police Chief to learn what they are doing to be a part of solving this long engrained tragedy of racism. I need to hold them accountable for what they do or don’t do. I need to give them a chance to be transparent, thanked for what they are doing well, and honest about where there is room for growth.

We each have our own part to do.  One person can only do so much, and yet one person can do a lot. 

You don’t have to fix the whole world today. 

But do ask yourself, what am I doing?  Let’s all start with a deep breath.  

SPENDING TIME OUTSIDE

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn corona virus, COVID-19, Environment, nature, Parenting2 Comments

Are you feeling weighed down lately, bored, or even a bit stir crazy (or actually crazy)? Is quarantine still happening where you live and maybe your kids are home with you?  My husband and I both work from home and have two little ones ever-present, so I feel you.  Here’s the thing: we’ve both been working from home for close to three years now, so we’ve had some time to work on and work out the kinks.  A HUGE element of keeping our sanity: 

SPEND TIME OUTSIDE.

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There is tons of research that backs up the benefits of getting outside.  The bottom line: outside time is beneficial. Getting out around more trees = even more calm for your mood and brain.  Getting outdoors and exercising has some additional benefits (especially for your heart, muscles and bones).  But just getting some fresh air improves cognitive performance: i.e. helps your sanity and job performance.  It is also something to do that is not screen time.

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I read and hear about a lot of parents concerned about or even feeling guilty their kids are getting tons of screen time…what else are they going to do?  Let’s just pretend it’s 1820 or 1920 and we’re in quarantine… pre: Netflix and Youtube, Smartphones and Tablets, even PC’s and TV’s.  What did kids do back then? There was plenty more time spent exploring one’s imagination and the incredible planet we live on. 

While reading Richard Powers’  The Overstory this spring, I found the characters Adam Appich and Patricia Westerford particularly intriguing.  They were full of questions and deeply observant of the natural world.  They studied trees and insects with more depth as children than I have, now well into adulthood.  I found them inspiring.  There’s no time like the present to get better acquainted with nature, so with my toddler and infant in tow, outside we go to observe, explore and create.  Over the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing ideas for getting better acquainted with the outdoors.  Maybe you’ll try some or even brainstorm more ideas.  Please feel free to drop any further suggestions in the comment section.

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Happy Getting Outside!

Show Up for Someone Today

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn be the change you want to see, Community, Friendship, Make a Difference, Mindfulness, Parenting, Refugees, Service2 Comments

I’ve noticed a pattern among people.  We fail to perform at our peak when we are tired or hungry.  Tired and hungry…talk about a total disaster waiting to happen. But when someone is less than rocking it at life, there’s an amazingly simple way to help.  

Just be there for someone.

My 2 ½ year old is perfectly capable of dressing and undressing herself. But whenever she is in what we call a “Maslow” state -missing one or more of her basic needs to function like her normal, happy self- (e.g. hungry or tired), clothes seem to stick to her body relentlessly and a tear-filled meltdown is nearly inevitable.

One night, “Maslow” had set in and the pajamas just weren’t going on. My daughter cried out in desperation, “I NEED HELP!”  I bent down, simply touched the fabric and told her, “You can do it.  I’m here, it’s okay.  Keep going.”  Sure enough, she solved her own problem in under 5 seconds.  I literally did nothing to help her with her pj’s, but having the sense of support, she felt comforted, calmed and empowered enough to resolve her own challenge.

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How often do people underperform simply because they feel unsupported?  Our world is filled with so many individuals, groups and societies who, not at all to say they are unproductive, but who struggle and can’t reach their potential because they lack the basic needs to be able to focus and perform at their highest ability. Food scarcity, hunger, exhaustion, lack of safety, financial hardship, loneliness, and the lack of stable housing are all very real challenges hundreds of millions of people face all over the world. They are refugees crossing the globe to seek shelter and neighbors on your own street looking for a friend.  

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We all need support from time to time. Some of it is physical or monetary and often it is just letting someone know you are showing up for them. Sometimes it’s as simple as a chalk message on the sidewalk or a phone call.  

Who can you show up for today?

 

 But the Bear Came Back, A Picture Book Review

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Book Review, Children's Literature, COVID-19, Friendship, Growth, Kid's Lit, Parenting, Picture BookLeave a comment

Always wonderful, but especially perfect for this time in which many of us are missing the people usually around us, Tammy Sauer and Dan Taylor’s humorous and tender But the Bear Came Back touches home.  In Tammy Sauer’s laconic and lovely text, a boy grows increasingly perturbed by visits from an unwanted guest: Bear.  As Bear persistently returns, the boy’s frustration rises, as does the humor in this charming tale.  That is, until one day when Bear doesn’t come.  As the days pass (this book also packs in a lovely little lesson for kids on the days of the week), the boy comes to realize how much he misses his friend. butthbearcameback

Tammy Sauer’s powerful text empowers its reader to go after what you want.  It reminds you to be a little more kind and patient with those who bother you.  Dan Taylor’s colorful illustrations play up the humor that can lie in frustrating situations, while sensitively illuminating the broad spectrum of emotions this book touches on.

To enjoy a masterfully crafted book that may incite laughter, tears, and thoughtful conversation, make sure you read But the Bear Came Back.

A Moment for Appreciation

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Gratitude, Mindfulness, Parenting, Perspective1 Comment

Do you ever have moments when you pause to just revel in how wonderful something is?  Perhaps a supremely meaningful compliment from someone at work, the smile on your child’s face when she looks at you, or the refreshing shower you take after exercising?

This weekend I spent a fair amount of time savoring a particular element of my life I appreciate.  While life with chronic illness  is an ongoing challenge -for about 40% of the population- we’ve had a particularly rough span in our family the past 7 months.  Basically my husband just feels lousy all the time, sometimes more than others. 20191129_122509

In spite of it, he continues to be playful, loving and always kind.  He makes a concerted effort to support our daughters’ rapid development and budding interests.  Every night he popcorns a slew of jokes to keep me laughing until I tell him we have to stop laughing and get some sleep.  He pushes through the clouds that darken his view of life and keeps poking holes for those around him to see the sunshine, even when he struggles to see it himself.

I am in awe of his warmth in a very cold season and tremendously grateful for it.

These days I don’t carve out a lot of time for journaling what I’m grateful for.  However, in place of a formal blessing at our table, we hold hands every night to share what each of us feels grateful for.  Perhaps tonight I’ll tell my husband how grateful I am for him.

What are you grateful for today?  If it is someone, have you let them know?

Wonderful Winter pt. 1: Exquisite Outdoors

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Healthy Living, Parenting, winterLeave a comment

If you’re one of the 10 million Americans or 30% of British who experience Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD, you’ll be happy to know that this week Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow, so spring is expected early this year.  That is, as long as you trust meteorological predictions from a furry rodent the size of an overweight cat. If, by chance, you are skeptical of weather prediction based on old European folkloric traditions, perhaps some reminders of what can be done to enjoy the second half of winter may prove helpful.  This week let’s focus on ways to enjoy the outdoors since getting outside can be a great mood booster  and help fight the winter blues (a.k.a. Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD-it’s a thing, it’s not just you). 

20200120_093203Step one: bundle up!  If you think it’s too cold to go outside, add a layer or two, keep your head, fingers and feet particularly well insulated and get your heart rate up.  Maybe you like to get into the mountains on the weekends to snowboard, ski or snowshoe. On a more daily basis though, go for a walk or hike near your home.  When was the last time you went ice skating, rollerblading (we don’t all get buried in snow for 3 straight months) or played hockey? You may have a snow thrower, but do you have a shovel you could break out for a little endorphin-raising exercise?

Do you have a knack for building snow forts, snow people (why do we still call them all snowmen in the 21st century?) or instigating a snowball fight?  Do you enjoy looking for icicles, tiny buds starting to grow on the trees, or taking photos of a wintery wonderscape? My 2 year old can’t get enough of eating snow (we’re working on sticking to only the freshly fallen kind).  Plenty of kids love to make snow angels, “fairies” as we call them in our household. And who doesn’t still enjoy a good sledding run?  With ski resorts now offering sledding hills, clearly it is not just for kids.

While living in Denver (where it can range from -5 to 65 degrees Farenheit on any given day in winter), I often felt it was too cold to walk my dog or spend much time with my class of preschoolers outdoors.  As my husband and I contemplated moving to the northern midwest, I was really nervous about potentially having a baby in winter.  How do I keep a baby warm enough there?  How do/can I still get outside and exercise?  Nevermind SAD, I get depressed any time of year if I don’t get regular, frequent exercise and plenty of time outside.  But people do it, so obviously it’s possible. So I began to seek advice.

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 So…as soon as we moved, I went to a local consignment store and bought a few newborn buntings –different weights and insulation levels– just to be safe.  Well, my baby was born in December. After her first week at home, I started testing out all those warm baby clothes. Now I layer up, strap the baby to my chest and together, along with my older daughter and dog, we get outside for a walk or hike almost daily and everyone stays comfortable –minus the occasional breeze or lost boot. The key: warm layers and movement. 

So carve out some time to get outside each day and if you happen to see a little crocus popping up through the frozen ground, let it stand as a happy reminder that spring is just around the corner.  

 

Cleaning with Kids – a toolbox

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Cleaning, Parenting2 Comments

A few years ago, a friend visiting told me my home felt like a “big hug.”  I thought a lot about that comment and my husband and I decided to make an ongoing effort to create a home environment that would feel like a “big hug” for all who entered.  Part of providing that is having the space relatively clean. Such upkeep has not always been my strong suite. In fact, as a kid, even young adult, my living space was anything but.  We’re talking cups caked in leftovers for months, a deep “carpet” of clothes…you get the idea. Gross.  

I was actually taught to clean though.  I still don’t claim to be any kind of house-keeping master (my sister gets that award), but as a researcher, teacher, and now parent, I have gathered some strategies that help.  As I recently watched my 2 year old daughter clear her place and wipe her table after a meal, my heart smiled and the thought occured to me…maybe I have a few tools that could help others in this arena.  Here is my toolbox for cleaning with kids:

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1. Everything has a place.  This may seem obvious, but I find messes creeping in when something new enters our home and we have yet to find it a set space.  Antidote for a hoarding: if you don’t have a place for it, let it go.  

2. One activity at a time.  Provide some limits so that when your child finishes playing with one toy or set of toys, s/he cleans up before heading to a new activity.  Okay, this is the ideal and who is so on top of their kid(s)’ activities that this can be upheld at all times? Work toward this goal though.  Allowing every toy in a room to be rolled out before you try to clean up tends to lead to you and your child feeling overwhelmed.

3. Offer 2 Choices: Do you want to put the chalk away or wipe down the board first?  Are you going to gather triangle or square magnetic tiles first?  Your child may propose a 3rd option and if you can live with it and that option moves things forward, I see no reason to object.  Limited choices simplifies and helps speed up the decision making process.

4. Make cleaning fun!  This can be a wonderful way to provide your child with positive attention by letting him know you are watching and appreciate his work.  Playful language like “put the blocks away quick as a wink!”, singing or listening to a clean up song (here’s our new favorite), or choosing encouraging language, especially to acknowledge when he does clean up (e.g. “Our floor looks so clean where you swept.  I appreciate your hard work.”)

5. Rotate toys.  Maybe look at them like a seasonal wardrobe- pull out and put away a toy or two each week.  When something isn’t getting much use, maybe lend it to a friend who you know would enjoy it.  Getting out toys that have been out of sight for a while tends to make them more interesting. This keeps things fresh, more intriguing and allows fewer items to be available for making a huge mess around the house.

6. Build cleaning into your routine. Have little tidying tasks that become habitual. Ex. Everyone clears their own dishes as they leave the table after each meal or make your bed as soon as you get up each morning, before leaving the room.

7. Include your child in cleaning when she shows interest. When your child expresses desire, find a way to let her help!  Research has shown it pays off to welcome little ones’ help cleaning.  They will learn to appreciate and be more willing to help later in life.  If they are shooed away at a young age, the motivation will be gone later in childhood when you want your child to clean. NPR produced a great story about this you can read about here. 

Finally…

 

8. Keep your eye on the prize.  There are always more tasks to be done, another floor to mop or dish to wash.  As you navigate the care of your space and family/work/health, keep a balance. Sometimes you can’t get sufficient sleep, all the dishes from dinner washed and read your child a bedtime story.  Even the perfect routine gets interrupted. Be flexible enough to choose one or two elements to relinquish on those nights. Dishes can wait until morning. A good night’s sleep and story usually can’t. 

 

There are tons of ways to get a house clean, but it takes the whole family to keep it clean.  You can often find cleaning tools for little bodies in the local grocery, book, department or even dollar store.  I also really like For Small Hands for their quality and variety for both indoor and yard care.  

Maybe you find housekeeping a breeze.  If so, I kowtow to you. But if not, hopefully you’ve just nabbed a skill or reminder to help make your life a little happier and easier.   I certainly know a clean space helps me feel more at ease. May you find a little more peace in your week ahead!

 

Seasonal Shifts with My Favorite Picture Books for Fall

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Autumn, Change, Children's Literature, Halloween, Holiday, Kid's Lit, motherhood, Parenting, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Each year as summer heads towards a close, when I’m not sure I’m ready to put away the comfy shorts and lake gear summer affords, I start to see changing leaves, watch kids head back to school, and can’t help but feel the excitement of fall setting in. Fall always gets me excited.  I take in the crisp smell of leaves letting go. I watch pumpkins plumpness pop in gardens, store fronts and porches. Cozy soups and comfy sweaters call to me and I head to my bookshelf to reread a few perennial favorites. This year, I add a new one to the list I just discovered with my daughter: Leaves by David Ezra Stein.  

 

These books deal with fun and rather mundane turned to challenges and fear-facing.  They open doors of new understanding and self-confidence, modeling for children how to draw on creativity to overcome new challenges in a variety of ways.  Several always leave me headed to the kitchen- be it alone, with my own child, students or friends…I mean who doesn’t want popcorn, a soup-making party and pumpkin muffins or pie to share with neighbors?

  1. Popcorn by Frank Asch (1979)                     fall2019popcornI have yet to find a story more delightful to a group of 3-5 year old children than this!  In Frank Asch’s Popcorn, bear pops popcorn -gifts from each of his Halloween party guests.  There is so much popcorn that the whole house gradually fills up with it and the party guests have to help their host eat everything up to remove all evidence of the party before his parents return.  Lesson learned -perhaps- and certainly exciting to watch the rooms pile up with popcorn. Somehow it still makes me want to pop it (in moderation) with each read.

 

  1. The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of Anything by Linda Williams, Illustrated by Megan Lloyd (1986) fall2019littleoldladyA terrifically fun sequencing book with a spooky spin and sound effects that invite the reader/listener to physically play along (e.g. “two shoes go clomp, clomp”), this story is a must to read with your 4-7 year old.  One little side lesson here: it definitely opens the door for a safety lesson with your child-talk about the importance of always hiking with a companion you know and trust.

 

  1. Too Many Pumpkins by Linda White, Illustrated by Megan Lloyd (1996) fall2019toomanypumpkinsAnother story wonderfully highlighted by Megan Lloyd’s talent for bringing female protagonists and their pumpkin-filled dramas to life, Too Many Pumpkins is a creative solution to a real-life dilemma experienced by the author’s aunt.  Fed up with pumpkins after depending on them as a child, the main character avoids them at all cost-until they completely fill her front yard and she has to face her fear!  A change of heart comes with hard work and an effort to be a good neighbor- along with a delicious ending that just may leave you in the mood for baking. With a little more text than some of the others, this story is terrific for ages 4-8.

 

  1. Pumpkin Soup by Helen Cooper (1998) fall2019pumpkinsoupWith Cat and Squirrel stuck in their ways, Duck’s curiosity is unwelcome and turns into a squabble that leaves everyone needing a break from each other.  With Duck gone longer than anticipated, his friends worry and set out to bring him home. A good reminder to try doing things differently on occasion, have patience with less-skilled practitioners, and the joys of cooking with loved-ones, this tale is terrific for 3-7 year olds.

 

  1. Leaves by David Ezra Stein (2007)    fall2019leaves

This simple and sweet story is a great introductory lesson on seasonal changes. David Ezra Stein blends his classic style of gentle humor and perfect understanding of child development, this takes its reader through the seasons, starting and ending with fall.  Perfect for toddlers, this story is geared for children ages 0-3.

And while you consider all you may love about the change of seasons, perhaps you’ve noticed new challenges standing out like the fire-toned leaves  in your own life? Maybe one of these books will inspire you to get creative as you work through those new hurdles- like the protagonists, young and old, in these stories.  Happy Autumn!

Biking is Easier

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Challenge Yourself, Change, Finding Your Calling(s), Growth, Live the Life You Want, Mindfulness, motherhood, Parenting, Perspective, Pregnancy, Self-awarenessLeave a comment

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Two weeks ago my family made a huge leap: we moved from rapidly sprawling Denver to a small town in Michigan.  We moved 1,200 miles with a confused dog, vomiting toddler, pregnant mama, coughing daddy, 2 cars, and 4 storage crates packed to the brim…one might say for fun.  It was a total quality of life move. Not easy, but in the grand scheme, a relatively smooth process (maybe minus the family illness and anxious dog) that has already opened doors in directions we have been wanting our life to move.

One example of this is that our new home backs up to a trail, something I really hoped we could find close proximity to since we love to hike and jog.  Let’s just be clear, I am not your skinny, super-fit, ultra productive type-A (i.e. seems to rock EVERYTHING) kind of woman. However, amazingly to me, this pregnancy has been far more comfortable than my first and my joints have felt pretty good jogging (something my soul strangely has always loved and longed for) in moderately small doses.  

So….

On a recent afternoon I found myself jogging uphill, in the midday sun, pushing a stroller (containing previously mentioned, adorable almost 2 yr old), leash in tow attached to my 50 lb meandering shepherd mix and I’m nearly 6 months pregnant.  A tall, lean, gentleman with white hair peeking out from under his helmet rolled by me in the opposite direction on his bike, smiled and said: 

“Biking is easier.”

Yes, he is right.  100%. Biking downhill, solo, is easier than jogging uphill while lugging your young family along.  But what’s the payoff?

I used to justify my overstressed life with thinking that essentially the harder I worked (at a miserable marriage, very low-paying career, volunteering to the point of having virtually nothing left for self-care) was well worth it.  True I learned a lot, grew to love many wonderful people, and had plenty of great experiences. But when I took a few huge steps to trade it all in, with each stride my life became tremendously happier and new wonderful opportunities, people and experiences took the place of a life that was too ponderous to allow the fruition of my dreams.

So sometimes…by all means, I’m a big fan of hopping on a bicycle and going for a relaxing ride.  There are absolutely times in life we need to do a little lighter work (I’ve been to spin class and mountain biking…cyclists, I am not down playing by any means what kind of workout you can get on a bike- this type of riding is a different metaphor).  But when I hear the internal beckoning to challenge myself and circumstances allow it, be it a move to a new home/place, a shift in career, or jogging uphill while very pregnant, I always find it rewarding when I accept the challenge.

So take a moment or a few to notice if you are speeding downhill, at a moderate flatline, or jogging uphill in various aspects of your life.  Does it feel like you belong where you are or is it time for something to change? Find where your heart calls you and just see if you don’t experience the joy of Being in the Flow.

 

Finding Common Ground

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn be the change you want to see, Common Ground, hope, Kindness, Make a Difference, motherhood, Parenting, Perspective, Politics, PregnancyLeave a comment

michigan-winter

On a recent trip to Michigan -where everyone dreams of vacationing mid-winter- my family found ourselves in a hotel pool joined only by another family with a few rambunctious little pollywogs of their own.  We quickly struck up a conversation and as we discussed new awakenings, somehow the father of the other family turned the conversation to the pro life-pro choice debate. He had strong feelings about the issue, as many people understandably do. It is literally a matter of life or death…at times for the mother-to-be, always for the growing little one inside her.  

Historically, I tend to stay quiet (or a long time ago, hotly debate) when people communicate strongly in a direction in which I lean differently.  But as I watch the political divide ever-increase in the United States, people literally choosing to rub shoulders as much as possible and even live in neighborhoods with predominantly those of like-minded views, I see dischord, fear, and even a lack of our leaders being able to reach across the aisle and find compromise.  As Brené Brown points out in Braving the Wilderness, the current culture is full of dehumanization based on ideological differences…when we still have so much in common.  So on this occasion, I spoke up.

I didn’t attack my fellow swimmer nor pretend to agree with him. I focused on how I love that we can see things entirely differently, but both of our reasonings were based on compassion.  One was looking with compassion focused on the right of any human to get every chance to live. The other was looking with compassion centered on quality of life for both parents and children.

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There are so many ways to look at every issue.

No one formed an opinion with the intent to hurt others.  Both formed their opinions with a deep sense of compassion and care.

I omit my opinion on this topic today because this isn’t about me.  This is about us as humans finding common ground: with our neighbors, our relatives, our leaders, and those of different customs, religions, cultures and countries.  It is about seeing what we do have in common, what we share. This is a hope and plea that we see the light in everyone and remember as Mem Fox writes so aptly in Whoever You Are , we all smile, laugh, hurt and cry, share joys, love and pain.

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I hope you find common ground in an unlikely place today.