Category: motherhood

Seasonal Shifts with My Favorite Picture Books for Fall

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Autumn, Change, Children's Literature, Halloween, Holiday, Kid's Lit, motherhood, Parenting, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Each year as summer heads towards a close, when I’m not sure I’m ready to put away the comfy shorts and lake gear summer affords, I start to see changing leaves, watch kids head back to school, and can’t help but feel the excitement of fall setting in. Fall always gets me excited.  I take in the crisp smell of leaves letting go. I watch pumpkins plumpness pop in gardens, store fronts and porches. Cozy soups and comfy sweaters call to me and I head to my bookshelf to reread a few perennial favorites. This year, I add a new one to the list I just discovered with my daughter: Leaves by David Ezra Stein.  

 

These books deal with fun and rather mundane turned to challenges and fear-facing.  They open doors of new understanding and self-confidence, modeling for children how to draw on creativity to overcome new challenges in a variety of ways.  Several always leave me headed to the kitchen- be it alone, with my own child, students or friends…I mean who doesn’t want popcorn, a soup-making party and pumpkin muffins or pie to share with neighbors?

  1. Popcorn by Frank Asch (1979)                     fall2019popcornI have yet to find a story more delightful to a group of 3-5 year old children than this!  In Frank Asch’s Popcorn, bear pops popcorn -gifts from each of his Halloween party guests.  There is so much popcorn that the whole house gradually fills up with it and the party guests have to help their host eat everything up to remove all evidence of the party before his parents return.  Lesson learned -perhaps- and certainly exciting to watch the rooms pile up with popcorn. Somehow it still makes me want to pop it (in moderation) with each read.

 

  1. The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of Anything by Linda Williams, Illustrated by Megan Lloyd (1986) fall2019littleoldladyA terrifically fun sequencing book with a spooky spin and sound effects that invite the reader/listener to physically play along (e.g. “two shoes go clomp, clomp”), this story is a must to read with your 4-7 year old.  One little side lesson here: it definitely opens the door for a safety lesson with your child-talk about the importance of always hiking with a companion you know and trust.

 

  1. Too Many Pumpkins by Linda White, Illustrated by Megan Lloyd (1996) fall2019toomanypumpkinsAnother story wonderfully highlighted by Megan Lloyd’s talent for bringing female protagonists and their pumpkin-filled dramas to life, Too Many Pumpkins is a creative solution to a real-life dilemma experienced by the author’s aunt.  Fed up with pumpkins after depending on them as a child, the main character avoids them at all cost-until they completely fill her front yard and she has to face her fear!  A change of heart comes with hard work and an effort to be a good neighbor- along with a delicious ending that just may leave you in the mood for baking. With a little more text than some of the others, this story is terrific for ages 4-8.

 

  1. Pumpkin Soup by Helen Cooper (1998) fall2019pumpkinsoupWith Cat and Squirrel stuck in their ways, Duck’s curiosity is unwelcome and turns into a squabble that leaves everyone needing a break from each other.  With Duck gone longer than anticipated, his friends worry and set out to bring him home. A good reminder to try doing things differently on occasion, have patience with less-skilled practitioners, and the joys of cooking with loved-ones, this tale is terrific for 3-7 year olds.

 

  1. Leaves by David Ezra Stein (2007)    fall2019leaves

This simple and sweet story is a great introductory lesson on seasonal changes. David Ezra Stein blends his classic style of gentle humor and perfect understanding of child development, this takes its reader through the seasons, starting and ending with fall.  Perfect for toddlers, this story is geared for children ages 0-3.

And while you consider all you may love about the change of seasons, perhaps you’ve noticed new challenges standing out like the fire-toned leaves  in your own life? Maybe one of these books will inspire you to get creative as you work through those new hurdles- like the protagonists, young and old, in these stories.  Happy Autumn!

Biking is Easier

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Challenge Yourself, Change, Finding Your Calling(s), Growth, Live the Life You Want, Mindfulness, motherhood, Parenting, Perspective, Pregnancy, Self-awarenessLeave a comment

B2b_09-03-2019

Two weeks ago my family made a huge leap: we moved from rapidly sprawling Denver to a small town in Michigan.  We moved 1,200 miles with a confused dog, vomiting toddler, pregnant mama, coughing daddy, 2 cars, and 4 storage crates packed to the brim…one might say for fun.  It was a total quality of life move. Not easy, but in the grand scheme, a relatively smooth process (maybe minus the family illness and anxious dog) that has already opened doors in directions we have been wanting our life to move.

One example of this is that our new home backs up to a trail, something I really hoped we could find close proximity to since we love to hike and jog.  Let’s just be clear, I am not your skinny, super-fit, ultra productive type-A (i.e. seems to rock EVERYTHING) kind of woman. However, amazingly to me, this pregnancy has been far more comfortable than my first and my joints have felt pretty good jogging (something my soul strangely has always loved and longed for) in moderately small doses.  

So….

On a recent afternoon I found myself jogging uphill, in the midday sun, pushing a stroller (containing previously mentioned, adorable almost 2 yr old), leash in tow attached to my 50 lb meandering shepherd mix and I’m nearly 6 months pregnant.  A tall, lean, gentleman with white hair peeking out from under his helmet rolled by me in the opposite direction on his bike, smiled and said: 

“Biking is easier.”

Yes, he is right.  100%. Biking downhill, solo, is easier than jogging uphill while lugging your young family along.  But what’s the payoff?

I used to justify my overstressed life with thinking that essentially the harder I worked (at a miserable marriage, very low-paying career, volunteering to the point of having virtually nothing left for self-care) was well worth it.  True I learned a lot, grew to love many wonderful people, and had plenty of great experiences. But when I took a few huge steps to trade it all in, with each stride my life became tremendously happier and new wonderful opportunities, people and experiences took the place of a life that was too ponderous to allow the fruition of my dreams.

So sometimes…by all means, I’m a big fan of hopping on a bicycle and going for a relaxing ride.  There are absolutely times in life we need to do a little lighter work (I’ve been to spin class and mountain biking…cyclists, I am not down playing by any means what kind of workout you can get on a bike- this type of riding is a different metaphor).  But when I hear the internal beckoning to challenge myself and circumstances allow it, be it a move to a new home/place, a shift in career, or jogging uphill while very pregnant, I always find it rewarding when I accept the challenge.

So take a moment or a few to notice if you are speeding downhill, at a moderate flatline, or jogging uphill in various aspects of your life.  Does it feel like you belong where you are or is it time for something to change? Find where your heart calls you and just see if you don’t experience the joy of Being in the Flow.

 

Finding Common Ground

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn be the change you want to see, Common Ground, hope, Kindness, Make a Difference, motherhood, Parenting, Perspective, Politics, PregnancyLeave a comment

michigan-winter

On a recent trip to Michigan -where everyone dreams of vacationing mid-winter- my family found ourselves in a hotel pool joined only by another family with a few rambunctious little pollywogs of their own.  We quickly struck up a conversation and as we discussed new awakenings, somehow the father of the other family turned the conversation to the pro life-pro choice debate. He had strong feelings about the issue, as many people understandably do. It is literally a matter of life or death…at times for the mother-to-be, always for the growing little one inside her.  

Historically, I tend to stay quiet (or a long time ago, hotly debate) when people communicate strongly in a direction in which I lean differently.  But as I watch the political divide ever-increase in the United States, people literally choosing to rub shoulders as much as possible and even live in neighborhoods with predominantly those of like-minded views, I see dischord, fear, and even a lack of our leaders being able to reach across the aisle and find compromise.  As Brené Brown points out in Braving the Wilderness, the current culture is full of dehumanization based on ideological differences…when we still have so much in common.  So on this occasion, I spoke up.

I didn’t attack my fellow swimmer nor pretend to agree with him. I focused on how I love that we can see things entirely differently, but both of our reasonings were based on compassion.  One was looking with compassion focused on the right of any human to get every chance to live. The other was looking with compassion centered on quality of life for both parents and children.

we_are_all_in_this_together

There are so many ways to look at every issue.

No one formed an opinion with the intent to hurt others.  Both formed their opinions with a deep sense of compassion and care.

I omit my opinion on this topic today because this isn’t about me.  This is about us as humans finding common ground: with our neighbors, our relatives, our leaders, and those of different customs, religions, cultures and countries.  It is about seeing what we do have in common, what we share. This is a hope and plea that we see the light in everyone and remember as Mem Fox writes so aptly in Whoever You Are , we all smile, laugh, hurt and cry, share joys, love and pain.

handshake of the generations

I hope you find common ground in an unlikely place today.

Embrace the Closeness

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Embrace the Moment, Gratitude, Growth, Kindness, Love, Metacognition, Mindfulness, motherhood, Parenting, Patience, PerspectiveLeave a comment

This morning I awoke before dawn to my dog yelping in her sleep.  Sometimes she gets excited in her dreams. Inevitably, however, my nearly 9 month old daughter awoke as well. “Mamama” she called as she rustled in her crib.  I slid out of bed and walked the 3 feet to her crib. I picked her up, gently bounced and rocked her. She made playful airy noises through her lips, flipped her head back and forth trying to find the right position on my shoulder, looked up at me, then started to settle back into rest.

I returned her to her crib.

Immediately she rolled around.  “Mama” she called out again. I picked her up, told her it was “sleepy time” and this time offered to nurse.  She gladly latched on as we made our way to bed. She tried to convince me it was time to rise and make sweet googly eyes at each other.  I again encouraged “sleepy time” as I closed my eyes and eventually she dozed off again, unlatched and started to flail in a way that indicates “give me some space.”

Once again I returned her to her crib.  Once again she flipped over to her tummy, inch wormed forward to the edge of her crib, pulled up to stand and called out: “Muuuuuu.”20180614_063106(9)

Again I slid out of bed, picked up my precious baby girl and began to snuggle and swing her.  Her eyes closed, her body went sleepily soft, and as far as she was concerned, all was right in the world again.

One could say “that baby has got you wrapped around her fingers” and to some extent that is true.  But usually she does sleep well on her own. And on the sweet occasion when she just wants to be held, I turn to gratitude: for a child who trusts me, for someone who feels safe in my arms, and a loved one who requests a warm embrace.  In the grand scheme, these tender moments of closeness are rare.

20180307_074621I embrace the closeness and just smile.

How to Beat Boredom: A Guide for New Parents

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn motherhood, Parenting, Uncategorized1 Comment

A few months after graduating from college I began my first “real” job working in a small Montessori school’s Infant/pre-Toddler classroom in the mornings and a 3 year old class in the afternoon.  I had earned a Minor in Early Childhood Education, but that didn’t really cover babies and toddling people, so while I had plenty of experience from babysitting and being an attentive older sibling, I had relatively little true understanding of this age group.  

To be completely honest, they were darling, but I got bored spending my mornings with very new humans.  boredbaby

So as much as the prospect of parenting excited me, I was a bit nervous I would be bored the first year or two.  

Wonderfully, all my worries are being proven pointless!  In graduate school, one of my favorite classes was Human Development.  It gave me a different lens to observe people and culture for the rest of my life.  I look for and admire each tiny or great step of development in my daughter with celebration and awe.  Do adults learn so much still or do we all slow down?

I got to thinking, maybe some new moms or caretakers of babies do get bored.  If that’s you, here are some ideas that keep life full, interesting and engaging with a tiny human every day for this mom, former Montessori teacher and lover of curriculum design (hint: I’m handing you a free month’s curriculum, so feel free to utilize any or all parts you like).

Literature and Music

We’ve been focused on fables, fairy tales and operas.  We read lots of fairy tale stories, a collection of Aesop’s Fables, The Barefoot Book of Stories from the Opera, a graphic novel version of Peter and the Wolf, and A Guinea Pig Oliver Twist. If you are not familiar with the Guinea Pig series, they are pretty fantastic.  They do a nice job retelling classic stories while calling attention to animal rescues as they are illustrated with photographs of real rescued guinea pigs in costume to recreate the stories.  Amazing!  I laugh every time I read this book.  On the days we read operas, we listen to the operas we were reading on Spotify.  The operas were longer than the stories, so we listened throughout the day.  We have listened to David Bowie’s gorgeous rendering of Prokofiev’s Peter and the Wolf numerous times.  I’ve also gotten on a Mozart tangent, reading about him, listening to stories about him and to more of his operas and other pieces he composed which were not in our book of operas.

peterandthewolfOn top of lots of fun listening and reading, we go for daily walks around the neighborhood, local trails and parks.  On cold or windy days we tend to take shorter strolls, but

getting outside and exercise are good for everyone

(sunshine + fresh air + movement= happier you and happier baby).  

We visited a couple of exhibits at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science, introducing planets and prehistoric life as we walked around (baby in a carrier), reading and chatting with our companions du jour (another baby, parent and grandparent).  The babies finally noticed each other, perhaps more than the exhibits.  A couple of times each week we either visit or welcome visits from neighbors, friends and family; the socialization is important for both of us.

Gross Motor Development:

 I often place my daughter on the floor on her back with a small toy in her hand or nearby to encourage interaction.  She rolls on her tummy a lot now, and I give her space and time to play there.  When she lets out a few little fusses, I know she’s feeling done and flip her over.

I want her to work hard and know that she is heard and supported, so she enjoys challenges and wants to return to them.

I’m not sure if my responsiveness had anything to do with her learning to roll to her tummy a little early, but I’ve decided to take this approach after seeing the effectiveness of the pedagogist, Vygotsky’s theory of Zone of Proximal Development or ZPD.  

ZPDWhen she is tired and feels she can no longer hold herself up and doesn’t think (or feel able) to turn over, I am helping or “scaffolding” her learning by showing her she can roll  to her back when she’s tired.

Fine Motor, Attention and Visual Development: 

I give my daughter toys and small instruments to hold, shake and explore (everything goes in her mouth right now).  I play them in front of or above her and watch her eyes track, seeing how far up, down and to the sides she will look and stay focused.  I experiment with speed of movement.  Currently she likes objects to move quite slowly in order to focus on them.  I offer objects both in front of her center or to the side and notice which hand she reaches with or handles them.  At only 4 months, she is already showing right handed dominance.

Having worked in and studied the Reggio approach, I learned about provocations.  I often try this with my daughter by setting out a toy just a few inches away from her as she lies on the ground.  The idea is to ignite interest or spark exploration.  She has worked hard to roll to one side to try to reach and then handle the toy.  I used this approach the first time she picked something off the ground herself.  I had no expectations and watched her emit more effort and determination than I had every seen her put into an act.  It was so exciting!

We also do lots of singing and dancing (I often dance with her attached to me in her carrier), cooking and cleaning.  Just recently, for the first time I held her while brushing our dog’s teeth and she was delighted!  Lots of modeling and more starting to have her with me rather than in the swing or on a blanket as I do tasks in hopes she will learn a bit from observing.  She is getting more interested in seeing how adults do things.  I just watch what she is looking at; I find her fascinating.  She notices more and more all the time, and I think the Lady Bird definition of love speaks worlds: noticing is love.  

I hope you notice and love every moment with whoever is in your life.

 

Sharing Stories

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Birth, Family History, Friendship, geneology, Kindness, Labor and Delivery, Make a Difference, Mindfulness, motherhood, Parenting, PregnancyLeave a comment

Who doesn’t love a good story?  We read, watch, tell, sometimes even write them down.  Our tale-telling spans from the personal experience to the farthest fetched imaginings.  I have yet to find someone who has no interest in stories of any kind.  But for some reason, it was not until recently that I came to appreciate the need we all have to share our stories.  

 

It was a sunny Tuesday morning in late September, I was 41 weeks pregnant and noticed clear liquid dripping from my body….my water had broken.  waterbrokeThere was something else though.  A dark stain let me know that meconium was in my water, a sign that my baby might not be okay.  I texted my husband, who was in a meeting (with his remote job) just downstairs, that I thought my water had broken.  He was ecstatic.  I was in shock.

 

My preparation and hopes for a fully natural, peaceful, hypno-waterbirth did NOT come to fruition.  As most women will tell you, labor is no picnic…hahaha….. to say the least.  Due to the signs of fetal distress, I was constantly monitored, induced with medication, and unable to move nearly as freely as I had hoped.  epidural-is-magicalAll that being said, after feeling like a ravenous beast was devouring my internal organs for 9 hours, the midwife checked and found I was only 2-3 centimeters dilated (i.e. this state could have potentially continued for days).   Immediately and shamelessly I requested an epidural and 8 hours later had the most beautiful, peaceful birthing experience I could have imagined.

For a couple of weeks after my daughter’s birth, I felt an overwhelming sense that I needed to share the experience in great detail with people.  It mattered.  Not to everyone I talked with, but it mattered to me and with each telling, I seemed able to process my experience a little more fully and feel more settled and comfortably distant from it.

 

About six weeks after becoming a mother, I finally got to visit a friend who had given birth just a day after I had, and in the same hospital no less!  I had been so eager to hear her birth story, and originally really wanting to share mine as well.  By the time we finally got together, the details of my own experience seemed far less significant.  My friend, however, was still in a place in which she grew lively recalling her own birthing time.  birthing-reality

 

It was in this moment that I fully realized how important it is that we give people the space to share their stories, and truly listen with care and curiosity.  

 

I was reminded of experiences with my beloved Grandma Laurie and “Bumpa”, my step-grandfather.  They were both storytellers: my grandma loved to share family history.  She was an avid genealogist who travelled the world to meet distant relatives she discovered.  I’m talking across oceans to meet 3rd cousins twice removed.  The woman was one of a kind!  Bumpa, on the other hand, shared stories of his dust bowl era upbringing on a farm in Kansas.  Their stories were so different, but the common factor was their love to recount these tales.  

dust-bowl

Whether you are a lover of sci-fi films, news junkie, or any other type of story-telling, I hope the next time you have a story on your mind, you will share it.  And when you sit by a stranger on a bus or come home to your family after an exhausting day, I wonder if you will make space to truly listen to those who are ready to share.

story

We all have a story to tell.

 

Pets’ Prep for Pregnancy

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn motherhood, Parenting, Pregnancy, UncategorizedLeave a comment

dogsandpregnancyAre you one of those parents-to-be who reads pretty much every article and book you can get your hands on?  I think it’s fair to say I fall into that category…I look at this time as my training: I’m a student of parenting before this baby comes home in my arms.  So needless to say, as a dog owner, I’ve read at least half a dozen articles about helping one’s pet adjust to a new family member.

These articles all make similar suggestions to help ease the transition: set things up so your pet can see the new stuff for the baby, let your pet smell an article of the baby’s clothing before bringing him or her home from the hospital, even pay a little less attention to your animal who may be accustomed to getting lots of your uninterrupted affection.  But some changes have already started taking place in our home that we could not expect, so I thought I’d share a few shifts that have raised our eyebrows in wonder or made us laugh.  Perhaps you can relate.

THE PROTECTOR ROLE HAS SHIFTED

Our dog has always made it clear she is my protector, but a recent change has become apparent in the protective order  in our home.  When thunder or fireworks filled our neighborhood, I used to be the go-to person our pup sought for consolation.  Even during the month of July as the celebrations seemed incessant in our neck of Colorado, she would turn to me first, and if another went off, she may duck into my husband’s chair.  In recent weeks however, I have been generally abandoned in this regard.  The line of safety seems to now be: dog protects me, my husband protects the dog.  With any startling, she runs to the non-pregnant person in our household.  Perhaps she knows I have someone new to protect who is now filling out my mid-section generously.

EATING MEALS TOGETHER

Do you have one of those dogs who devours food the moment you lay it out or the kind who dabbles in it through out the day?  Our canine has taken turns doing both, but a new tradition has recently begun.  By the time she gets up in the morning, breakfast is usually already in her bowl.  Rather than eat though, she rests in the kitchen as I prepare breakfast, watches me sit down at the table, moves to her bowl, looks back up, and only once I start eating, like a polite guest at a dinner party, does she start consuming her meal.  It is not as consistent at dinner, but she still does this often in the evenings as well.  Is she just making sure we both get to eat?

WALKING IS GETTING HARDER  

So as third trimester is well upon us, my energy level no longer leaves me enjoying a 2-3 mile walk in the heat of the sunny summer day (big shocker I know).  I try to get in about a mile with my dog, but was feeling guilty, and confessed this to my husband one night.  Seeing my concern, he said: “All you need to do is ask and I’m happy to help with these types of things.”  Sure enough, starting the next morning, he shortened his gym work out by 15 minutes and immediately came home to take our dog out.  I rescued her about 14 months before meeting my husband, so her loyalty has remained pretty clear, but in the past, she jumped at the chance to go for a walk, even with just him.  On this morning, she was not about to leave my side though.  Despite his calls, she stayed on her bed beside me (also still in bed) until she was leashed and harnessed.

The walk lasted about a whopping 5 minutes as she was apparently pulling to come back home the entire way.  So my husband brought her back and tried the next day.  Same thing happened.  By day 3, she ran in his direction when she heard her leash come out, but they only made it to the front of our next-door-neighbor’s house.  That trajectory continued for about another week until another shift came.

For the past couple of days, when my husband grabbed the leash, our dog walked to the edge of our bedroom, peered down the hall at my husband, then leaped up onto our bed and snuggled up beside me.  Her tail was wagging like she was looking forward to going out, but body language clearly indicated, this is who I need to be with right now.  She’s a Shepherd mix, so protective instincts are innate and manifesting in funny new ways.  On days when they did walk- they never made it beyond the house next door.

 

I have read that dogs can smell a difference in pregnant women (changing hormone production) and that clues them in to a change.  Perhaps pets notice that movement changes or they see and wonder about the rapid weight gain.  All the new furniture and items in the house probably clue them in, not to mention mom’s fluctuation of moods and often tears too.  Our pets tend to be very intuitive creatures.  For my fellow expectant parents out there, have you observed any funny changes in your pets’ behavior?  If so, I hope you’ll share, or at least remember to laugh at the funny shifts in life.  Happy day!

Pregnancy’s Butterfly Effect

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Butterfly Effect, Friendship, Growth, Kindness, Live the Life You Want, Make a Difference, Mindfulness, motherhood, Parenting, Perspective, Pregnancy, Reaching Goals, Self-awareness, YogaLeave a comment

butterfly_release

“Let everything go.  Allow your worries, your thoughts, your anxieties to float away and for a few moments, just be here in this moment.”  How many times do we hear this yoga jargon in classes, especially the opening and while lying in Savasana?  I remember listening to similar cues in a class about a month ago and thinking, “I have a baby growing inside of me.  I am a mother now and no longer have the luxury of completely releasing because this little person is a part of me and my actions impact another now.

Long ago my mother started to teach me about how my actions had consequences that impacted other people, but growing a human inside and realizing -this body is not just attached on the outside of me with skin around it that attaches us, but truly growing in the center of my being- did my perspective take a huge shift in what parenting will entail.

As I began to think more and more about this idea that what I do can have significant impacts on another is certainly not a new concept, but it just brought up this idea with greater magnitude.

A few examples:

The substances I put in my body (food, drinks, and if I were to choose, other substances…you know, like gum) impacts my energy level, my moods, clarity of thought, lifespan, self-image and even health.  This can impact my productivity, relationships with others, and availability to work or engage.  How often do we think about these things as the fork covered with salad or the wonderful smelling donut is going in?  

colorful-salad

As you get dressed and prepped for your day, how often do you look in the mirror and ask: what do I want my appearance to say about the type of person I am and does this appearance communicate who I really am: be it confident, professional, warm and gentle, a lover of the earth, etc?

Do you set plans or goals for years, months, weeks, or each day that help you spend time being and becoming ever more who you really want to be in the grand scheme: whether this includes the types of relationships you invest in, service, professional, physical or educational pursuits?  Are you living in a way that truly makes you happy?

For this little window of pregnancy, I have the opportunity to be pulled into a vacuum of reminders that if I don’t eat frequently enough (or the right foods), it makes a more significant impact than  I realized – i.e. nausea, waking up in the middle of the night, random impulses to cry, etc.  This is preparation for remembering the importance of regularly feeding the little person who is about to come out and be a very significant part of my world for the rest of my life.

We don’t always have such blunt reminders in front of us that say: “Your actions directly and indirectly impact others!” But they do.  The words we speak and how we express them can be a pivot point in another’s day- and how many others can a grumpy or very cheerful person impact: from how they drive, to glances, to words they share with the people around them? dadreadtochild

Do you sit down to watch a tv show (that will inevitably suck you into at least 2 more) after work tonight or walk your dog who is already harassing you to get outside?  Do you tell your kids to go play so you can catch up on emails after dinner or spend a few minutes reading and maybe singing with them before the bedtime routine begins?  Do you check another gossip column online or call an old friend who has been on your mind lately?

We have so many choices every day and while we can’t see most of the consequences, we can remind ourselves that each choice makes a difference.  So even if your most recent decision wasn’t one of your best, you always have the next one to make more of the impact you want to share with the world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why I Want to Be a Mother

On By itjustdawnedonmeagainIn Finding Your Calling(s), Growth, Love, Make a Difference, Mindfulness, motherhood, Parenting, Perspective, Pregnancy, Reaching Goals, Self-awareness1 Comment

motherlovinghands

Did you grow up wanting to be a mother?  I used to think that deep down, every woman felt most fulfilled through motherhood, but I now realize it is some people’s callings and many of us do not feel that way.  I respect every woman who is honest with herself, and even more so, those who find joy in the journey, whether it is what you hoped for or not.

I grew up in a home with a mother who started very young- only 20 years old when she welcomed me into the world.  She was married and had a husband who tried to be supportive, but it was a constant struggle.  They did the best they could, raised our family with lots of love, laughter and tears, and yet for some reason I wanted to grow up and follow in my mother’s footsteps.

My twenties came and went with a 7+ year marriage I thought meant parenthood was joyfully imminent.  Instead it was painfully placed at bay, but looking back, I could not be more grateful.  I matured, studied child development and parenting for over a decade and had countless opportunities to help parents and children form happier, communicative, calmer homes.

As the next decade of life rolled in, I made a huge shift- let go of the marriage that wasn’t serving either of us, moved across country, switched jobs, made new friends, reconnected with family and passed up the Ph.D. path to find something equally fulfilling and hopefully less stressful.  I met my wonderful husband, we went through a lot together in only 2 years, but what gave me peace was seeing that every transition and rough patch, and we’ve been through some doozies, didn’t ruffle our feathers much.  We laugh things off, take naps when we need them, give each other space to develop uniquely, and love and make lots of time to be together.  I found and invest each day in the relationship I always dreamed of, so naturally, my long-held dream of parenting rekindled.

It seems this earth sign (Taurus) gal just needed a solid foundation for all the ducks to line up in a row.  In early December I finished yoga training, then 2 weeks later my husband and I bought a house.  Quicker than ever before, I nested into the new haven to welcome guests, host holiday parties, and bring light and love into a space one friend said felt like “a big, warm hug.”

Well, the holiday treats came- and stayed in superfluous left-overs until I had to throw out some of the pie I kept eating for breakfast and thought was making me feel less than great.  But feeling “off” continued and was accompanied by waking regularly in the middle of the night-not regular for me, emotional waves of feeling weepy for no reason, and just overall lethargy.  My husband didn’t notice the time for my period came and went, without coming.  After the roller coaster of last year, I was far from eager to take a pregnancy test.  I waited until 40 days without flowing to take it. Lo and behold-it was positive.  I had debated for weeks: do I tell my husband if it comes out positive?  When?  How?  With all the cool finesse of Anne Hathaway’s gawky Princess Diaries character, I just left the test on the bathroom sink, knowing it could be 8 hours before my hubby saw it.

30 minutes later he happened to roam in that direction. I just kept folding laundry, nervous, with no idea what he’d say.  “So this is a thing?” came wafting from the loo.  “I guess so” awkwardly replied.  We slowly, cautiously talked, celebrated, and have enjoyed the ever-changing adventure of baby-growing unfold over the past mont and a half.

After telling one of my brothers “the news”, he and I met at a local diner to catch up.  It was a heartwarming and dynamic conversation, as I always find our interactions to be, but particularly interesting on this occasion as we discussed parenting.  About a year and a half ago, he and his partner became parents- as I see it, very nobly, through first fostering, then eventually adopting a child.

Amid our many conversations topics, he asked me about a desire I’ve always to which he could not relate:

“Why do you want to have a baby?”  

I was a little surprised- having considered, but never been asked before.  My initial thought was, I just always have.  It could be engendered through strong cultural messages I’ve received since birth, or perhaps it is part of my dharma, but motherhood, including growing, birthing and raising children has always been something I’ve desired, with the support of a loving partner- found!    

I find it absolutely amazing that my body has the potential to grow another human- if you want a wonderful comedic break to get a mini lecture on the miracle of birthing, check out Jim Gaffigan’s stand up sketch on 4 kids.   As I’ve studied over the years about the significance diet, emotions, thoughts, and activity level of a mother can have in the first few months of a yet-to-be-born child’s life, I find it the ultimate, beautiful opportunity to give a human the best possible start to life.  Then raising a child- the ultimate social experiment- in challenge, learning about love and selfless giving.  I spent 15 years refining my diet, lifestyle, and even relationships to create the best possible incubator for a little one.  I’m far from perfect and my activity level since pregnancy commenced has significantly declined (I don’t have the energy, let alone feel well enough to do 10-15 hours of yoga and jog/walk 6-10 miles a week right now).  I do the best I can, even when that is just drinking water, eating crackers, and walking my dog halfway down the block daily.  I think every parent does the best they can.  So today I honor parents, mothers, and every woman – for doing your best, owning who you are, and hopefully finding the love for yourself you absolutely deserve.

And if you, like me, have a little “Snowflake” on the way, I wish you peace, comfort, and joy in the journey as well!